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Happy Thanksgiving!

Sometimes I find myself being reminded of the things that I do not have, but I need to be thankful for the things that I do have. I have so much and I need to take more time thanking God for it.
The holidays for me always are somewhat sad. They always seem to remind me that my parents are divorced. I get to spend the holidays on "divided time", and Thanksgiving and Christmas just don't feel the way that they once did. I will never forget the first Christmas my parents were divorced. I remember going to visit my Dad. I had to walk into the home that we all used to live in "as a family", I remember making up a reason to go to my room for a second and I remember crying. Crying because it was sad, crying because I could see how hurt my Dad, my heart was crushed just looking at him. I felt so sad for my Dad. I remember wiping the tears from my eyes and then going back into the living room trying to hide that I had ever been crying. Christmas that year was very quiet. Each year that passes they get a little better and I have learned to make different special memories with each of my parents in each of their own separate homes at different times. I don't know if I will ever be able to truly enjoy a holiday without thinking in my head about the other parent that I am not with at that time. I wish for one more time, one more Christmas with "my family", one more Thanksgiving with "my family". Just to enjoy it one last time, or to see how things would have been now that Samantha and I are older.
I am thankful for my family, although my parents are not together I am thankful they are alive and that they love me more than they love themselves. I am thankful for my friends, who have become my second family. I am thankful for the life lessons that I have learned over this past year. Thankful that I am finally letting go. I am thankful for my health, freedom, family, and most of all my salvation.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

<3

*Confusion*

Flowers

"The First Day of School"

I remember always being so excited about school beginning to start, I think this was only because I got to buy school supplies. I loved elementary school, Kindergarten and Fifth Grade were my favorite. I liked Kindergarten because of nap and play time. I never made it to play time, because I would always sleep through it and end up waking up on my towel on the carpet with all the kids playing around me. Today was my first day back at school. The first day doesn't have the same feeling that it once did. School is not my favorite thing, especially college at least the class part of it. In high school I had a high GPA, took 5 AP classes, and did everything that was "required of me". For the little amount of work that I did, I had really good grades. Friends, Art and playing sports in high school are the things I loved the most about it, and also the things that I miss the most. I never got caught for skipping class, and even skipping class to go spend time in a Coaches office was never questioned, attendance policies were not as strict as college. It's pretty bad when the attendance office knows you on a first name basis and doesn't even require you to sign in anymore because "she'll handle it". It was always good when my 3 day a week physical therapy appointments that were only 30 minutes took 2 hours. Time is flying and Samantha and I are Seniors. (well.. my 4th year.. but someday I will have my 2 degrees that I paid for)

Samantha will be starting her senior year in high school tomorrow. My little sister who will turn 17 on October 14th is growing up. Even though I'm sure I was a horrible older sister I was just doing all that older sister's do. Make fun of their younger sister, never let them hang out with them, get them in trouble as much as possible and argue and hit each other as much as possible. As I have grown older I have learned that she has watched and tried to do everything that I have done. Swim team, Basketball, and Softball even down to the same strokes and positions I am her biggest fan and her hardest coach. People say that we look just alike, but neither one of us can see it and we do have our personality differences as well. Perhaps our personality differences come from my parents divorce and me being the one to show all the emotion and Samantha showing none. Maybe she was that way because she was not put in the middle of what was going on and also only 10. I never went away for college, or even showed a slight interest in taking a second look at the other schools that I got into because I didn't want to leave my sister. Now my parents talk to one another, and things are better but at that time, I couldn't leave my lil sister to deal and handle all of that. She was too young to have to do it and I didn't want her to have to grow up as fast as I had to. I am so proud of my sister, sometimes her life is not easy and I am proud of her strength that she has on things. I had a car in high school and she doesn't, and although I wish I could provide one for her, I can't but I help her out more than she knows.
I am so proud of my sister, and wish the world for her. I love her very much even though I'm sure she will say that I don't "because I would never play with her when I was younger". Just like always I will be there for her to help her out in those times when Mom and Dad can't (minus buying her a car... although she has already tried that idea).
No matter how much she hates it she will always be my "little" sister and I will always be her biggest fan.

"Here's to the nights when the sand is your seat, the waves kiss your feet, and your friends outnumber the stars" <3

"The tans will fade, but the memories will last forever"

"Summer 2008"

"Beach Memories"

"Some beach somewhere...There's a big umbrella casting shade over an empty chair. Palm trees are growing, the warm breeze is blowing I picture myself right there, on some beach somewhere..."